summertime

This is what I call a beautiful mess. Look at all these glorious books! Still waiting on 3 more in the mail that I picked up used. Our Livings Books curriculum order arrived yesterday, and I've been excitedly leafing through it, excitement building as I open each new book. I love books. I love book stores. I love that my kids love books. This curriculum looks promising for our family. It's full of living books! No dry text books written by a dozen different people, just good, entertaining, informative books, written by one author, telling a story about something or someone. I love it!

Rachel keeps running off with them and "reading" them :). She's been asking me every day for 2 weeks when we're going to start doing school again, and it's not even August yet! She's been working independently through Explode the Code, making great progress all on her own. I gave it to her a couple weeks ago because she kept begging to do school work, and I am enjoying my Summer off, as a teacher :)

How have I been enjoying it? Well, a little this and a little that... I have been cultivating my very first vegetable (or otherwise) garden! I have gained a new appreciation for farmers and the challenges they face when the rain won't come, or the rain comes at the wrong time, or the bugs come out in Biblical force. My poor little garden has suffered some hardship in its short life. I lost my sweet basil to a fungus, my tomato plants were both savagely attacked by a massive onslaught of tomato worms while we were out of town. I came home to some very sad looking tomato plants. I picked something like 45 of those worms off of my 2 tomato and 1 cucumber plants in a matter of days.

The plants have mostly recovered and we have recently planted some decorative gourds, which just sprouted yesterday. The seeds came in a mixed packet, so it should be interesting to see what pops up.

What else? Knitting. Knitting with wool. In July. Yep. That's me... I knit Christmas stockings in July. This was my first fair isle project and I really really liked it. I really want to make it in an alpaca/wool blend yarn, which is a little more expensive, but I knit a first-run in plain wool, just to get a feel for the project. I love it, though. I just finished it last night, except for the name, since I don't know who it will go to yet. It still needs to be blocked to even out the stitches and make it look more uniform in texture, but it's done! I'm in the process of debating yarn colors for the 4 I intend to make for my family. I'd also like to figure out some more quirky pictures to put on them, like a moose, maybe a sweater, coffee mugs or something like that. I just need to take out some graph paper and design my own, I think.

Settled? THEN what do I do?

I'm dangerously close to being completely moved, unpacked, registered and settled in Missouri. I've been such a busy bee with all of the things that are involved when you move from one state to another that I'm not quite sure what I will do with myself once it is all done. It's a good thing I didn't have the foresight to fully grasp all that I was going to have to do to make this move successful, or I may have gone all deer-in-the-headlights and never gotten off the couch.

I still have some loose ends to tie up, like having Tim's car inspected and registered, plus he needs to get his Missouri drivers license, still, but I can't do that one for him. I got mine today (kind of exciting for me) but I have to take it back tomorrow and get it reprinted since they typed my address in wrong. So far, the whole process has been time-consuming, but not frustrating. My only concern is the tires on Tim's car. I hope they pass the safety inspection. He will need new tires soon, but I'm hoping we don't have to do that right now.

My washing machine is still broken. I'm finally having someone come out to look at it tomorrow. It would have been pointless to do before now since Tim hadn't been paid and we had no money to fix it, unless fixing it were super cheap, which I'm guessing it won't be. So $10 to have them come out and diagnose the problem. Hoping for loose connecting somewhere underneath rather than cracked or broken something. Apparently, it's possible the pump is broken or the outer drum is cracked, in which case, RIP 12+ year old Kenmore washer. I'm trying to just take all of this in stride and work it out as it comes.

One of the hardest things for me, emotionally, about moving has been not having my church family anymore. I'm super-introspective and I like to kind of look at my feelings from outside myself, so this whole move has been pretty interesting to me. I miss my church family so much. I know that I am kind of in the position of someone whose spouse died. The dearly departed is besainted in the heart and mind of the one left behind, and my beloved Live Oaks is pretty much right there. No other church is Live Oaks and even things that aren't negative are counted against prospective church-homes because they just aren't the same. I realize this. I know I'm being emotional and irrational. Yeah... don't really care yet, though.

I'm trying to give this one church a chance, but I'm really having a hard time separating the things that I really dislike from the things that I only dislike by comparison to Live Oaks. "It's different and I hate it!" my mind screams. I stood in service last week almost crawling out of my own skin taking in all of the different sensations. I looked at the overly-dramatic facial expressions on one of the worship team's faces. Like a 3 year old child, I stomped my feet and threw a fit... in my mind... about how I just wanted my church back. At that moment, as I chocked back tears, I hated everything about the church surrounding me. Ugh. I'm trying to be objective, but I'm mourning.

Ok, enough for now. I have to go to dinner. More later.

Goodbye, Wichtia.

In 2 weeks, I get to say goodbye to this apartment. My children have always lived here, in this very apartment, since before birth. Tim and I have lived in this complex since we were married, nearly 9 years ago. It hasn't been too bad. We've been safe, and the rent has been low. We've been able to survive hard times here because it is an inexpensive place to rent and heat. I won't complain. What I will do is celebrate getting to leave!

In 2 weeks, I get to say goodbye to my upstairs neighbors who chain smoke around the clock, the stench of which always seems to find its way into my open windows. I pray to God our new place does not share this issue. I wish we weren't ending up in a rental, but for now, it makes sense. I'm also praying that the new place doesn't make Tim as sick as this place always has. He has bad animal and environmental allergies, and for some reason, this apartment is crazy dusty.

I've been surprised by the little things that I have realized I will miss. I've never been crazy about Wichita. It's not that it's a bad place to live; it is a decent enough place to raise a family, but there is little to do outside, and I grew up in northern California, where there is tons to do outside. I spent so much of my childhood and adolescence out-doors. The problem is twofold, stemming from the flatness and extreme weather in the area. There is nothing geographically appealing about the outdoors here, and the weather prevents most days from being pleasant outside.

I don't know exactly what the weather will be like in Kansas City, but I know there is a lot to do! I'm excited about all the lakes and parks and stuff. I've heard the weather is similar, but less sticky in the summer, and less icy in the winter, but with more rain and snow. I have a feeling it will be less windy since there are trees and hills to break up the wind. Wichita is like one big wind tunnel most of the year. I have always said there are 1 or 2 nice days a year here. Days when the temperature and humidity and wind are all suitable to spend the day outside. That's a bit of an exaggeration, but just a bit. The Spring and Fall are short, the Winter and Summer are long. It gets into single digit highs in the winter, and triple digit highs in the summer. I'm hoping what I've heard about KC is true.

Besides the obvious things (my family and church), there is a short list of other things that I expect to miss. I will miss the well-maintained roads, and the lack of traffic. I will miss the familiar faces at my local Walmart and Dillons. I will miss knowing my way around. I will miss Freddy's Frozen Custard. I don't know what else I will miss yet, because I don't yet know in which ways our new home will differ from the old.

I figure I can look it as a challenge or as an adventure. As something to overcome, or something to experience. Some people crave adventure. I know that there have been times over the last year that I have felt that way. I just wanted to experience something different and to push myself beyond my comfort zone. I want to look at this as an adventure and strive to take it all in. I don't want to just learn from overcoming a series of roadblocks, I want to enjoy the ride. I'm a deeply introspective person, so I look forward to observing my own reactions to the changes we will go through. How will I change? Will I grow? Will I stretch? What does God have in store for us up there? It's exciting!

The packing... that's another story! Not really looking forward to packing, but at least the company is paying for a moving company to pick up and deliver our stuff. And I don't think we really have all that much to pack. Clothes will be easy. Dishes, books, dvds, what else? Bathroom items, probably lots of miscellaneous crap. The place we live now is small, and has no storage space, so we should be ok. I hope my mom will come help me. She's awesome at getting me to do things I don't want to do alone... by doing them with me :) Moms are the best.

I can't think about the sad stuff yet. I'll be sad, I know it. No use in going through that now. I need to be strong and focused and motivated now. The rest will come after the storm. That's how I work. I'm great in a crisis, but afterward I feel it all. Gotta press on. It's my job. I know I'm not alone.

Moving.

Well, we're moving. It seems to be hitting me one little bit at a time. First, before Tim applied for the position, he asked if I would be ok with moving. I told him I would. It is a great opportunity for him, and the people in his company obviously liked him for the job, "...so go ahead and apply and see what happens.", I said.

No big surprise, he got the job! Which is wonderful! I'm going to be sad about moving away from my family, but I've never really felt anchored to this place for any reason besides them being here. I don't know why, today, I feel a sense of loss. I've had a couple of weeks to adjust to the idea, and to prepare for the move, but today, first thing, I got a call back from a realtor about a townhome I had left a message about. For some reason, it became a little more real to me that we're moving.

I really don't know why I care. I honestly don't love the area we live in now. I think the Kansas City metro area is going to be a good place to live, and I think I will enjoy it. There are lots of things to do (which are desperately lacking in Wichita, unless you like bars), there are trees and clear water, out-door recreation, museums, all kinds of things that I have been longing for. I think it is just the fear of the unknown. And I know that when we get up there, I won't have a support system. I'll be away from my mom and sister for the first time in my life.

Admittedly, the situation, being what it is, couldn't be much better. We will only be about 3 hours away, and will have regularly scheduled business trips back to Wichita, which the kids and I are welcome and able to tag along on. I will still get to see my family every month-ish. Honestly, we don't really spend too much time visiting in person right now. My sister is about 15 minutes away, and my mom is about 50 minutes. I think I make social visits to see them no more than 2 times a month. I see my sister about once a week when I watch my nieces, but we mostly talk on the phone or connect online. Same with mom. I really think it's just fear getting to me, not rational things that I will actually miss.

I've been pretty excited and optimistic about the move, aside from the occasional moment of sadness about my family or panic about finding a place to live. I also will probably have to get rid of my birds, or leave them with my mom until we buy a house. Apparently, it's pretty customary to charge multi-hundred dollar, non-refundable pet deposits for tiny, caged birds in the Kansas City metro. We just can't and won't pay that much money. It's more than we paid for both birds and cages and food and toys, combined. It would be different if it were refundable, but apparently, they use it to "sanitize" the place after you move your pet out. I wonder what that looks like.

We're soon making a trip up to KC for an afternoon of looking at rentals in the burbs. I have a townhome community in mind, but they only have 2 units coming available in the next 2 months, and it's first come first served. Hoping they are still available Friday. We were thinking of living in another town, but I'm starting to think it is just too much driving for Tim. I'd like him to be close to his home office, especially since he will have to drive quite a bit to visit the other regional campuses.

It was a little discouraging to call up and figure out what our utilities will be up there. We live in an apartment that pays trash, sewer and water for us, so we aren't used to those. Plus, it is all electric, so places with additional gas bills add one more bill we don't currently pay. It all adds up. I called the utilities and city works about one property and we would average $140 in additional bills per month that we don't pay now. That's gas, water, sewer, and trash. Probably doesn't sound like much, but to us, it's like tacking on an extra $140 to our rent. That is a lot to us.

I know it will all be ok. I think God has really aligned things for this to take place, so I'm not really worried, but I do have moments of panic. How will we be able to do this? Will it all work out? Will we ever be able to buy a house in the area up there that I like? *sigh* I just have to trust Him. If He leads you to it, He will lead you through it, right? I'm doing the best I can, and waiting expectantly for everything to fall into place miraculously.

Sick.

Why is it that every time I get going on a workout routine, and I'm all motivated and excited and have some momentum starting... I get sick or injured? This has happened so many times to me, I'm starting to wonder if working out MAKES me sick.

I feel a lot better today, after about 5 days of being sick, but I have some yuck in my throat that won't go away and it's not conducive to a good, high-intensity workout. I'm trying out the whole PACE thing, but I'd only gotten 3 workouts in before getting sick.

This has been a really bad winter for illness in my house. I think it probably has something to do with babysitting an infant and toddler whose parents both work in the medical field. All kinds of new germs introduced. Yuck.

I'm pretty tired of the cycle of being sick twice a month, though. I hope it stops soon.

Conflicted

What a day. I'm feeling deeply conflicted about some issues. Pretty sure I know what the answer is, but none of the options are easy. Especially the right one. Choosing do to the right thing over the selfish thing is even harder when the stakes are high. And they are. The only thing that makes it possible is knowing that God is good and faithful and true. I trust him. I have to say, though, "Lord help me with my unbelief."

Random things

Don't you hate it when you finally learn someone's phone number, and then they change it? There are precious few phone numbers that I have memorized. I still remember numbers from pre-pubescence - you know, back before cell phones took over memorizing all of our contacts - but since I got my first cell phone in 1998, I have almost never memorized a phone number. I knew my sister's number at one point... just before she changed it. ;) Besides that, I have probably only memorized phone numbers that spell something, i.e. Cox's customer service number: 263-FAST. I've had the same phone number for a long time, and before that my number had the same suffix, different prefix. That was before you could take your cell number with you when you switched providers. Yes, kids, there once was such a time.

That reminds me, I recently told my 5 year old that when I was little, we didn't have a microwave. I think she is just starting to grasp the concept of times less technologically advanced than this. I actually remember the day my parents bought our first microwave. I was probably around my daughter's age. Weird the things we remember, and the things we forget.

I think I'm going to be writing here more. I have been feeling a little cooped-up and isolated lately. It's hard being home all the time. Maybe writing will help. Tim works weird hours, with 2 late nights a week and alternating fridays and saturdays. It makes it hard to take any classes or join any groups because most things just start too early, or are on his late days. I would love to take a class at the local arts center, but the schedule overlaps with Tim's by like 30 minutes :/ I have been wanting to take a jewelry making class for YEARS but the timing has never been right, or I didn't have the money. I'd also love to take an oil painting class. Or learn to play the violin. Or learn another language. :)

I must be crazy. Maybe I'm just bored. I love to learn new things, though. I have never painted with oils. I've done watercolors and a lot of acrylics, but never oils. I speak un poco Espanol from taking Spanish 1 and 2 in 8th and 9th grades. I can't read music or play any instruments. I think it would be fun to do any of those things, but when you have little kids at home - all the time - it's hard to carve out time for that. I could use some adult-interaction, though, and something that is just about me.

I think my biggest problem is that I have too many interests. There are so many things I want to do that I never end up committing to one and sticking with it long enough to really accomplish anything.

Ok, I'm gonna go watch basketball now. I feel better. :)