who am I?

After being up all night listening to my pandora station, and having drafted a very nasty blog post (and having the restraint not to publish it), I've finally come back to understanding that my worth is in Christ. God made me who I am and gave me the things that are special about me for a reason.

I am who I am. I am who I have always been. I am also unrecognizable from myself 10 years ago. If, 10 years ago, I were asked to give a description of myself, it may have gone something like this (not holding back):

Fun, cheery, goofy, artsy, spontaneous, caring, cuddly, generous, giggly, smiles easily, lazy, night-owl, crazy, happy, and last but definitely not least, a Christian.

Today I would have to scratch at least half of those, and add in some toned-down, and sadder descriptions. :/

What the heck? Granted, when I was 18, I still needed a lot of growing up, but why did grown-up have to translate into totally-different-acting-person? I can add temperate to the list, which is good, and I have more wisdom and perspective now. I'm a mother and a wife. I think the problem is that I have tried too hard to adapt... or to accommodate Tim, and I've almost ceased being who I was when he met me. Not sure how he feels about that, but I sure do miss me.

It was great to hear David Crowder's How He Loves Us come up on my station. I love the visual of being tossed around like a tree in a hurricane. It gives me this mental picture of a tree standing all alone, being blown back and forth and all around, and everything else around it is obscured. I love it.

Perspective really changes things. Seeing who I am in God helps me see past what anyone else thinks... including myself. How wonderful it is to be accepted for me. That's what we crave so much from those around us. We want acceptance. We want to be valued, to be special to someone. At least that is what I want. I don't want to hear that I'm good at something or talented, or anything of that sort. I want to hear that I'm special. That I'm irreplaceable. I just heard Third Day's I Got You.

"...What kind of day do you wanna bring to me?
Rain or shine, that will be just fine

'cause i got everything i need
I got everything, i got everything.

I got you, and you're putting it all together
And it doesnt get any better as far as i can tell
And i got you, right now and ever after
And it doesn't even really matter that i got nothing else
'cause i got you ..."

And thank God that I have Him. I'm special to Him if to no one else in the whole world. It's things like this that make me want to fall on my face and praise God, and thank Him for loving me, and for being all I need. Doesn't matter if I'm funny or stuffy, artsy or boring, I'm just me and he loves me as his child.

I still miss some things about the younger me, and I think I will try to get some of that back. Not sure how successful I will be, but I'm gonna try.